Reincarnation Station

Hello kids, today we’re going to be discussing the widely under-discussed topic of reincarnation.  I do not claim to believe in such an odd anomaly, yet wish to delve into it with a wetted curiosity for such an interesting topic.  Hold onto your jimmies, this is going to be educational as hell.

The belief of reincarnation was originally discussed in Eastern religions by our buddies, the Hindus and the Buddhists.  The belief has been reincarnated with different views in New Age religions such as Tom Cruises’ Scientology.   The belief of reincarnation holds that one’s body will decompose while their soul will continue to life within another body and has lived before in other bodies/forms.   In layman’s, you start out as a human get trucked by the drunk taxi driver on 31^st and wake up a few seconds later scratching your tail as a squirrel in Central Park.   Got it?
Now, the Hindus and the Buddhists believed that this whole reincarnation was perfectly normal, it was not however a good thing.  For one to reach Nirvana, one must escape the constant pattern of rebirth.  Stick with me guys.  Native Americans believe that they can’t eat certain animals, because it could be their ancestors. Our buddy, Tom Cruise, and his Scientologist characters believe in a bit less of a random reincarnation, believing that one’s actions in their current incarnation will effect what their soul is reincarnate within next.   Pretty much, don’t do anything astronomically bad or you’ll be reincarnated as George Bush’s son, and no one wants him as a father, which is an eighteen year term!
Now, here is my piece.  To the Easterners, how do you know when you’re going to reach Nirvana?  I mean, once this Nirvana is reached you are stuck in one body for eternity.  What happens if you’re stuck as a Barnum and Bailey’s elephant?  It’s simple, you’re fucked.   To you Natives, please eat your relatives.  They don’t want to be the animal anymore, they want to come back as a human and if they don’t take a fancy to human life, they can just kill themselves until they’re back in their animal of choice.   And finally, Tom Cruise, you’re rich and famous and have your own religion, why would you want to change into something else?  Do you fantasize about becoming an eagle or something?  Although that would be pretty awesome, I suggest you change your religion to where if you’re a good little boy, you’re allowed to chose your own animal, object, or whatever you would like to become.
In conclusion, reincarnation is full of holes and you can pretty much take it as you want to take it.  I chose to leave it in the fantasies of others.  Any thoughts from the peanut gallery?